Hump Day, Turning 30, and Shit I Know Now

It's Hump Day and I am Bored! No one to do, No places to be... So, I am now officially counting days until I turn that number that comes after '29'. No, I am not panicked at the thought, nor am I depressed. I am just, I dunno...Annoyed?! Turning that number is supposed to be a big deal right? So, why do I just not care? Maybe it's because I look like I am 26 so I am not worried. Or maybe it's the fact that aside from some health issues I feel pretty darn great. Or maybe, just maybe it's because I am in complete denial and refuse to accept that this is happening to me!

Honestly, I never expected to make it to 30. I have done a LOT of stupid shit that should have resulted in death (or at the very least some form of paralysis). As I have mentioned before I used large amounts of drugs...Probably isn't one out there I haven't tried on at least one occasion. I have skydived, bungeed, driven while intoxicated, dated 2 VERY abusive men (and lived with a third one). I smoke, drive too fast, don't eat properly, and sleep when I can manage to squeeze it in. All in all not exactly a recipe for longevity!
Having said that I also realize that turning 30 has given me a unique perspective. I can look back at all the things I have done that were stupid, reckless, immature, irresponsible, or simply ignorant and see them in their totality. I can appreciate the fact that I AM still here, and that I have actually managed to accomplish some amount of good amid all the insanity. Being nearly 30 has also forced me to assess myself and my priorities. Who am I? What do I want from life in general? What do I need personally and professionally? The answers are much less complex now than at any other time in my life...Which I guess means I am finally growing up! Here are the answers I came up with....

1. Who am I? I am myself 24-7-365. I truly believe life is meant to be lived and I enjoy mine to the fullest. I am a short, curvacious Italian woman who was adopted at 9 days old, raised in a house with Irish parents, and loved despite my best efforts to keep that from happening. I am loving, kind, generous to a fault, I trust anyone until they prove I shouldn't, I don't lie, cheat, or steal. I am smart, funny (goofy actually), love to read, and am quite comfortable being all by myself. I could care less about 'strangers' opinions of me...The people who know and love me accept me and will tell me when I am fucking up~I can count on that!

2. What do I want from life in general? Inner Peace, Love and Happiness~ that's all, really.

*Cue Hippie music and light Patchouli incense*

3. What do I need Personally? A man who will appreciate and respect me regardless of my past experiences. Someone who is kind, caring, devoted, appreciates Art/Music/Theatre etc. A man who will love my son as if he were his own~while at the same time understanding I don't need a Dad for my child; he has a father and a damn good one at that! I need a man who will be there for the long haul, and who won't make promises he cannot keep.

4. Professionally? I need a career! I need to go back and finish college, make MY dreams come true by getting to work on my education. (I was talking to a local lawyer the other day...A guy I have known for a long time. He made the comment to me about how disappointed he was I never finished college and went on to law school...Made me realize how low my expectations have been for myself. Thanks C.O. for the words of encouragement...I am seriously considering making that dream happen!) I know that there is a hard road ahead of me...But Hell, people are retiring in their 70's now so I can still finish school and have a fairly long career ahead!


That's all for me right now, sorry I have not been so entertaining here lately~ busy time for the tax office and all! I promise to be less philosophical next week...As long as you all send gifts that is!

*kisses, hugs, and other lovin'!