"IN love..." What a useless concept!

Why do people always feel the neede to define a relationship? My wonderful man and I have been together for a little more than 4 months and not a day goes by that someone does'nt ask me if I am "in love." Personally , I dislike that concept as a whole anyway. What does being "in love" really mean? And WHY is it so important to people that you be "in love" with someone you've been with such a short time?
B. and I have the most unique relationship that I have ever experienced. It is based entirely on mutual trust, respect and admiration for one another. Do I love him? Sure. Does my entire existence depend upon him? Not by a long shot. People (especially in this town) cannot concieve of a relationship in which there is no jealousy, no control issues, no drama. For me it boils down to this; I am my own person, and I am one hell of a good woman. If B. decided to be with someone else I would be disappointed, but I am not going to chase after someone who is not 100% happy being with me. Too many people end a relationship and sit around wondering what was wrong with them...for me, it's simply that it was the wrong person at that point in my life. Because I think like this my 'friends' assume I either don't care about B., or that I am just full of shit. To most of the people I know "love" means centering your entire being on that other person. It means getting them to love you back by whatever means necessary. I think that has to be the most ridiculous notion ever.
Relationships are work...so why add to your load with a bunch of unnecessary "what-ifs" and "I wonder"s? If you care about one another, and you are honest with one another the feelings will develop on thier own, in their own time. To me, THAT is love. And being "in love" means you can fall out of it as well. Love on it's own is someting sustainable that never completely goes away, although the intensity of the emotion can (and does) fade over time when the couple is no longer together. I don't want to be "in love" with B. It is enough for me to know that what we share is real, and honest and rewarding in it's own right. I don't need to give it a name, or to have expectations about it in order for it to be real.
I heard a saying once that,"To love and be loved is to feel both sides of the sun." And that is exactly what love should be. Mutually beneficial, and rewarding.

So PLEASE, stop asking me if I am "in love" with B. That is a phrase I don't use, don't like, and don't completely understand. If I don't feel the need to define my relationship in such black and white terms then why can't you just be happy with that and leave it be? After all, the absence of the definition is a BIG part of what makes B. and I work anyway. All that should matter is that we are happy with one another...and we are. Let's just leave it at that.


Blogger sullen girl said...

Beautifully stated :)

Speaking of mushy sayings ;) one of my favorites has always been:

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love... and be loved in return."

{{hugs}} for you and your happy place :)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You ever think about going back to school and finishing up? Might push away your employment worries...plus I think you'd excel.

Take care,

Blogger Miss Innocent said...

Sullen- That's why I love you girl...we share the same mind!
Kisses AND hugs back to you!

Zen- That thought is never far from my mind, however for a myriad of reasons it is not feasible at this time. Thanks for stopping back by!

Blogger Everything Nice said...

This is going to sound strange.

But. I hate love. I don't use it, don't like it, never did.

Love is the pre-empt to destruction and all that encompasses self-doubt.

Blogger Miss Innocent said...

Not so weird Em! Pretty much how I feel...Why can't it just be enough to CARE DEEPLY?

Good to see you here again!

*Kisses Doll!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello. Prompt how to get acquainted with the girl it to me to like. But does not know about it
I have read through one history
Each of you has your personal story; it is your history. Keeping a diary or writing your feelings in a special notebook is a wonderful way to learn how to think and write about who you are -- to develop your own identity and voice.

People of all ages are able to do this. Your own history is special because of your circumstances: your cultural, racial, religious or ethnic background. Your story is also part of human history, a part of the story of the dignity and worth of all human beings. By putting opinions and thoughts into words, you, too, can give voice to your inner self and strivings.

A long entry by Anne Frank on April 5, 1944, written after more than a year and a half of hiding from the Nazis, describes the range of emotions 14-year-old Anne is experiencing:

". . . but the moment I was alone I knew I was going to cry my eyes out. I slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers, very fervently. Then I drew my knees to my chest, lay my head on my arms and cried, all huddled up on the bare floor. A loud sob brought me back down to earth, and I choked back my tears, since I didn't want anyone next door to hear me . . .

"And now it's really over. I finally realized that I must do my school work to keep from being ignorant, to get on in life, to become a journalist, because that's what I want! I know I can write. A few of my stories are good, my descriptions of the Secret Annex are humorous, much of my diary is vivid and alive, but . . . it remains to be seen whether I really have talent . . .

"When I write I can shake off all my cares. My sorrow disappears, my spirits are revived! But, and that's a big question, will I ever be able to write something great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer? I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, because writing allows me to record everything, all my thoughts, ideals and fantasies.

"I haven't worked on Cady's Life for ages. In my mind I've worked out exactly what happens next, but the story doesn't seem to be coming along very well. I might never finish it, and it'll wind up in the wastepaper basket or the stove. That's a horrible thought, but then I say to myself, "At the age of 14 and with so little experience, you can't write about philosophy.' So onward and upward, with renewed spirits. It'll all work out, because I'm determined to write! Yours, Anne M. Frank

For those of you interested in reading some of Anne Frank's first stories and essays, including a version of Cady's Life, see Tales From the Secret Annex (Doubleday, 1996). Next: Reviewing and revising your writing

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Blogger Miss Innocent said...

Hey Anon....

At least wate MY time with some sort of USEFUL drivel...Jeez!


Blogger Valyna said...

I miss you.

Come back to blogland.

I've made a rebirth... come play with me :) :)

(formerly known as Sullen Girl)

Blogger Lou Reed's Sister said...

I'd bet that none of those people who ask if you are in love have any concept of the difference between "being in love" and "love".

Being "in love" is that giddy, warm feeling that occurs when our personal boundaries completely collapse and we hail our lover as perfect and unable to do any wrong, etc. It's a great feeling, but it's NOT love. It's a sex-based psychological trick designed to keep two people in close proximity long enough that some REAL love might develop. So that as your boundaries re-establish themselves and you see that he/she is NOT perfect, maybe you won't mind so much.

Real love is an act of the will, in which we choose to EXPAND our personal boundaries to include the person we have grown to belove.

Both are great, but the second one is the only one with a chance of lasting.


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