10.08.2006

"IN love..." What a useless concept!

Why do people always feel the neede to define a relationship? My wonderful man and I have been together for a little more than 4 months and not a day goes by that someone does'nt ask me if I am "in love." Personally , I dislike that concept as a whole anyway. What does being "in love" really mean? And WHY is it so important to people that you be "in love" with someone you've been with such a short time?
B. and I have the most unique relationship that I have ever experienced. It is based entirely on mutual trust, respect and admiration for one another. Do I love him? Sure. Does my entire existence depend upon him? Not by a long shot. People (especially in this town) cannot concieve of a relationship in which there is no jealousy, no control issues, no drama. For me it boils down to this; I am my own person, and I am one hell of a good woman. If B. decided to be with someone else I would be disappointed, but I am not going to chase after someone who is not 100% happy being with me. Too many people end a relationship and sit around wondering what was wrong with them...for me, it's simply that it was the wrong person at that point in my life. Because I think like this my 'friends' assume I either don't care about B., or that I am just full of shit. To most of the people I know "love" means centering your entire being on that other person. It means getting them to love you back by whatever means necessary. I think that has to be the most ridiculous notion ever.
Relationships are work...so why add to your load with a bunch of unnecessary "what-ifs" and "I wonder"s? If you care about one another, and you are honest with one another the feelings will develop on thier own, in their own time. To me, THAT is love. And being "in love" means you can fall out of it as well. Love on it's own is someting sustainable that never completely goes away, although the intensity of the emotion can (and does) fade over time when the couple is no longer together. I don't want to be "in love" with B. It is enough for me to know that what we share is real, and honest and rewarding in it's own right. I don't need to give it a name, or to have expectations about it in order for it to be real.
I heard a saying once that,"To love and be loved is to feel both sides of the sun." And that is exactly what love should be. Mutually beneficial, and rewarding.

So PLEASE, stop asking me if I am "in love" with B. That is a phrase I don't use, don't like, and don't completely understand. If I don't feel the need to define my relationship in such black and white terms then why can't you just be happy with that and leave it be? After all, the absence of the definition is a BIG part of what makes B. and I work anyway. All that should matter is that we are happy with one another...and we are. Let's just leave it at that.