Sheee's Baaaaaack!

Hello Again Everyone! I know it has been ages since I lasted posted, and I am hoping to find all of you in blogland that I have missed so much. Absence of internet access made it difficult to post for the longest time, but I have remedied that situation and am back to make your days a little less drear!

Things here in the Bluegrass State have been doing okay; not magnificent, but ok. Shaun (mentioned and seen in my last post) and I broke up almost a year ago, but we have been lucky enough to remain friends. He is an amazing man, and an even more amazing musician and I am proud to be in his life. Sadly though our timing wasn't the greatest and we "found" one another when we were both in very different places in our lives. Despite some rocky moments and bitter quarrels we managed to keep on loving one another--that's why we are still close even now. Sometimes things just don't work out like you planned; and no one is to blame...it's sucks, but it's life.

There is someone new in my life, and he's great! I am not going to say much about him in these postings because he's intensely private, but he knows who he is! He makes me laugh, let's me be who I am, and accepts my legions of faults. As if all that weren't enough he's also good looking, talented in his own right (he's a singer, writter and artist in his "free" time), and he's STABLE!! Whatever it is he and I share is something I am trying not to dwell on too much-lest I freak myself out and run away from him AND those feelings he creates in me-but I can say that days are less gloomy and nights filled with wonder whenever he is near. (Holy shit I sound like Hallmark or something; maybe he's addling my brain?!)

I have missed ALL of you so very much and think of you all frequently...I hope to get re-acquainted and that we can once again spend large amounts of time yakking back and forth, teasing, and generally stirring up shit!

So, PLEASE....Post a response and let me know ya'll are still out there!

*Kisses, Darling Dears!*

Miss Innocent

So Happy Together!

Hey all! I am trying really hard to get back into this whole blogging thing, so I hope you guys will bear with me. This is a recent pic of moi and my fantastic boyfriend. Things here in KY have been interesting as of late, and I miss sharing with all of my blog friends!
As of this past Thursday I am no longer employed. The Dragon is still a wonderful bar, but there was far too much drama in my workplace, and I finally had to get out of there! I visit frequently...and for those of you in the area who need some place to go, or something to do I strongly recommed that you head on down-especially on Wednesdays when you can check out some of Frankfort's talented musicians at Open Mic! Be sure to tip your servers AND bartenders well...it's hot on that deck and they work their asses off! (lol)
In other news, The Brick Alley (my former employer and home away from home) will be re-opening this Friday, the 29th of June. PLEASE, stop in and say "Hi" and "Welcome Back" to some of Frankfort's very best. Make sure you all let A.J., Eric, Lil Bill, Troy et. al. know how appreciative you are for their hard work by spending ridiculous amounts of money! They have worked extremely hard to get the bar up and running again after the arson, and support from the locals is not only appreciated-it's necessary if they are to survive!
On a personal note.... The ex returned to Frankfort to get his things on Saturday, and thankfully I did not have to see him. That whole relationship is well, and truly, over and I feel so free as a result. Having someone leave you a "Dear John" letter right before your birthday really lets you know what kind of a person they are-don't you think? In fact, the only thing I miss about B. is his daughter...she is amazingly sane and special considering her origins. If you happen across this one day C. I want you to know how great I think you are, and how wonderful it was to have had you in my life. Feel free to contact me at any time! Anyway, I am better off now than I have been in a long time. I have Shaun, whom I not only adore-but respect and admire as well. He is wonderfully talented (lead guitar), and he makes me laugh like crazy! We spend as much time on the water as we can, and we both enjoy many of the same things. He is quickly becoming my best friend-and I am very close to falling in love with him.
Having said all of that I now have to get going. There is much to do today, and I never have enough time to accomplish it all.
Love to each of you....and get in touch!
*Mwah*

Hello...is there anybody out there?

So I have been gone from here for quite a while now, and am sorry for that. As usual, life has taken another series of turns that led me back to all of you. B. is no more...and surprisingly I am not all that torn up about it. In fact, I wish him and his all the best-and hope life is kind to him. Being the optimistic and sunny person I am I have managed to stay positive about the entire thing, fact is I took ONLY what I needed from that relationship when it ended and left the rest behind.
These days I am keeping company with a group of incredible musicians. They are a great group and have been so supportive of me as I begin a new relationship, prepare to move into a new home, and basically start my life all over. My love, gratitude, and one "big red towel" for Shaun (my girl!), Aric, Tyler, Shaun (my guy!), Lauren and all the rest of you. You are cooler than the other side of the pillow and I love you all!
Life is actually pretty damn amazing right now, and I am happier than I have been in a long, long time. Realizing that loving B. was intense, but superficial in a lot of ways has been a revelation that I am grateful to have had. The time spent with him put me in the place I am now, and the future has never looked as bright. I love my job! I am working as a bartender/server at another of our local bars. (The one I used to work at was involved in an arson this past spring and is still being renovated as a result.) The gang at The Dragon is awesome, and we have a great time...but I bust my ass when I am there because we stay packed. When I am not there I am working at a local "historic" diner, or handling catering and bartending duties for various private parties.
The new love interest is also DAMN amazing! That feeling I have been searching for (it's always in the back of my head) is hovering, and while I am scared shitless by the depth of emotion I am also more than willing to take this leap. If this guy is all I believe him to be then I will be not only very lucky, but blessed beyond definition or expectation. To bond with someone and to have that immediate, undeniable connection that I have with this guy is mind blowing. While I have never been one to believe in the over all concept of "in love" (see previous posts) or of soul-mates I find myself using those terms with greater frequency. What will happen, and whether we are meant to be is something only time will tell. Again, I am optimistic and generally "over the moon!"
Have to dash off for now, and will return as soon as time allows...but I love and miss you all, and am looking forward to catching up!
*kisses!*

"IN love..." What a useless concept!

Why do people always feel the neede to define a relationship? My wonderful man and I have been together for a little more than 4 months and not a day goes by that someone does'nt ask me if I am "in love." Personally , I dislike that concept as a whole anyway. What does being "in love" really mean? And WHY is it so important to people that you be "in love" with someone you've been with such a short time?
B. and I have the most unique relationship that I have ever experienced. It is based entirely on mutual trust, respect and admiration for one another. Do I love him? Sure. Does my entire existence depend upon him? Not by a long shot. People (especially in this town) cannot concieve of a relationship in which there is no jealousy, no control issues, no drama. For me it boils down to this; I am my own person, and I am one hell of a good woman. If B. decided to be with someone else I would be disappointed, but I am not going to chase after someone who is not 100% happy being with me. Too many people end a relationship and sit around wondering what was wrong with them...for me, it's simply that it was the wrong person at that point in my life. Because I think like this my 'friends' assume I either don't care about B., or that I am just full of shit. To most of the people I know "love" means centering your entire being on that other person. It means getting them to love you back by whatever means necessary. I think that has to be the most ridiculous notion ever.
Relationships are work...so why add to your load with a bunch of unnecessary "what-ifs" and "I wonder"s? If you care about one another, and you are honest with one another the feelings will develop on thier own, in their own time. To me, THAT is love. And being "in love" means you can fall out of it as well. Love on it's own is someting sustainable that never completely goes away, although the intensity of the emotion can (and does) fade over time when the couple is no longer together. I don't want to be "in love" with B. It is enough for me to know that what we share is real, and honest and rewarding in it's own right. I don't need to give it a name, or to have expectations about it in order for it to be real.
I heard a saying once that,"To love and be loved is to feel both sides of the sun." And that is exactly what love should be. Mutually beneficial, and rewarding.

So PLEASE, stop asking me if I am "in love" with B. That is a phrase I don't use, don't like, and don't completely understand. If I don't feel the need to define my relationship in such black and white terms then why can't you just be happy with that and leave it be? After all, the absence of the definition is a BIG part of what makes B. and I work anyway. All that should matter is that we are happy with one another...and we are. Let's just leave it at that.

It's Monday and I am feeling rather melancholy in addition to being sick. Fall always has the same effect on me. While I love the cooler weather, the changing leaves, and the smell of woodsmoke that hangs faintly in the air I cannot help but being a bit sad as well.
Fall is always that time when I tend to look back over the last several months and brood about things. Right now I am brooding over the turn my life has taken, and the fact that I am so completely dissatisfied with where I am.
I have always been an impulsive person by nature, and that does not always serve me well. In fact, the only good that I can say has come out of my choices the last few months is this relationship I have with my guy. He is wonderful, and amazing, and talented, and makes me extremely happy...Which is exactly why I refuse to label what he and I have, or to talk about it too much. But honestly, other than him there has not been a lot of positivity. I know that is due to MY choices, and the decisions I have made,or in some cases, refused to make...But all the same I just cannot seem to get my ass into high gear and get shit taken care of like I know I should.
The biggest issue right now is employment. I need a JOB...But I am also very serious about moving to Vegas so that limits the types of positions I can comfortably accept. The bigger problem is that those positions are the ones that PAY. While I can go flip burgers for a few months and feel productive I will not be making the kind of money I need- not to mention that my brain would likely atrophy in the process. So rather than make that move I just make NO move at all; which in turn compounds the problem. See what I mean?! I am a total mess here!
So, fellow bloggers, I need you all to fill my comment box with insight and advice in hopes that I might brigten up and get something accomplished here.
I promise to actually listen to you too...which should tell all of you how miserable I truly am right now. (LOL)
In the meantime try to have a Happy Monday,if such